Wishes
by Sakily
Summary: UsUk, from Englands POV. Arthur wishes things he know will never come true, things that will never work out... ONESHOT/SONGFIC


**This is a songfic I wrote for a friend^^" The song is called "wishes" by superchick... And btw, this is the first time I've written something like this... I usually write more... scary thingsXD But I havn't checked it for mistakes, and my english grammar isn't the bestXD Oh well, here you go your angsty UsUk xD**

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England lifted up his cup and slowly sipped up the tea inside it. He was sitting in his garden, which were filled with beautiful flowers. It was an unusually sunny and warm day, for being in his house, and many who would have seen the garden would be stunned speechless. Often Arthur himself would sit and admire the scenery probably talking with his small friends living there. But not today. Though his green eyes were still flowing over the garden, they always came back to glance at the man at the opposite side of the table.

"Wow, it's really been a long time since I last were here. " Alfred flashed a grin brighter that the sun shining above as he was done looking at the garden. "But really, I haven't had the time to come visit. It's really busy being such a big country."

"I can guess," England sighted and put down the cup on the table, trying to make Alfred's self-bragging tone down. Though Alfred did seem to catch the hint, his smile didn't falter the least. "Well, I haven't been seeing you in a while, I hope everything is fine?" He couldn't help but to dislike his own words. They talked only like they were "countries", not like two who had known each other so long. After all, Alfred had known Arthur practically his whole life.

"It's good. The economics is… well… yah know." Alfred scratched his head with a slight smile. England tensed shoulders sank a little bit. What was the thing he had heard in Alfred's voice? Something like regret, like the same regret he had? England shook his head the small moment Alfred's eyes swept away from him. The thought was ridiculous, he was just wishing too much.

_**The saddest thing is you could be anything, that you could want.  
We could've been everything, but now we're not.  
Now it's not anything at all.**_

"_Englaaaaaand!!" He turned to the sound, seeing the small boy come running over the green grass. It was amazing how fast the boy grew, his body moved fast and quick over the rocks and stocks lying on the ground. Somehow it seemed like the little soon-to-be country misjudged a jump, and then he was flat at the ground, groaning in pain. England speeded up to a small run until he reached his little brother and kneeled down next to him._

"_Are you alright?" he asked, small amusement in his voice, it did look a bit funny. Alfred looked up, pouting in a way and his mouth were twisting. Arthur just had to take a look at Alfred's eyes shimmering with tears to know that the twitching came from the boy trying to smile. Faithfully trying to ignore the pain. _

"_I'm okay…" He said and finally won the fight, a smile crackling up over his face. England gave him a smile back and reached out a hand. _

"_Do you want help up?" He asked, that little spark of amusement still hinting inside his voice. He knew the boy, he knew Alfred would claim that he could help himself and didn't need help. So it made him fairly surprised feeling a hand closing around his own and he pulled Alfred up. But it was harder making him stand there. Alfred winced in pain and his left foot didn't seem to be able to carry him. "If it hurt so much, why didn't you say so?" England asked and sighted, as they sat down again. Surely, the foot was sprained and Alfred bit his lips keeping the pain away. _

"_But this really doesn't hurt…" Alfred said stubborn as he tried to stand. "Because I know, that when I become a country I will have to endure a lot more pain, and compared to that, this is probably nothing!" England's hand twisted unnoticed to the boy. He couldn't let that happen, he had promised himself not to let the boy feel such pain, to protect him from the world around. _

"_We'll see about that…" He simply said and smiled slightly. Then he put his hands under his colony's arms and lifted him up, high enough for his feet not touching the ground. _

"_I can walk on my own!" Alfred protested, but he didn't struggle like he used to do. England laughed again as he shifted Alfred's position making him easier to carry and they started making their way to America's house. There were so many things the boy didn't know, and someday he would have to learn them. But at that time, Arthur didn't want to see that truth. _

_**The hardest part was getting this close to you  
and giving up this dream I built with you.  
A fairy tale that isn't coming true.  
You've got some growing up to do.**_

Arthur stared down in the tea, and woke up from his flashback seeing his own green eyes. He groaned quietly. You might think he would have learnt from all those times, to not get too attached to times that had already passed. But it was hard seeing his brother sitting in front of him, having gone back to once again adoring the garden. Even though he was one of the strongest countries, he still didn't trust Alfred to take care of himself. And even if he knew, that he would let Alfred do as he wish (well, he did that anyway) Arthur still wanted to be close to his "baby-brother". But so many things have changed.

"Are you hungry?" Arthur asked as he already stood up, being ready for going away fetching some scones or something for them both.

"Ehehe, Thanks, but no thanks," Alfred flashed his dorky smile again, but England felt his expression fall a little bit more than it had already done from remembering.

He didn't even comment his food anymore.

_**I wish we could have worked it out.  
I wish I didn't have these doubts,  
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.  
I wish I didn't know inside.  
That it won't work out for you and I.  
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye.**_

_England ran. As fast as he could he ran through the small falling rain. It would get worse, he simply knew that. He finally got home, but his face was already wet. Most would think that it was from the rain coming in over London as usual, but some would have seen Arthur's eyes were being slightly red from crying. _

"_Sir, are you alright?" Someone he should be able to recognize the face of said, but he didn't care and simply stormed by, up to his room. There he sank down on the floor and tried to get the water falling to stop. Damn. He had gone through worse things, than this… this wasn't so bad that…_

"_**Fuck! Stop trying to act like you still care! You never have, and never will. You only want to control me! I have nothing to do with you, leave!"**_

_He curled up closer trying to get America's voice out from his head since it wasn't really helping him recovering. A remix of the national anthem of his country suddenly started to play and he saw a light from his phone of an incoming call. He looked up. For a moment his tears stopped. What if… But the little hope was quickly nowhere to be found when the contact of "Fucking-Frog-Face-France" came up on the screen. He didn't care to answer, and soon the melody stopped and the light faltered away. But from the inside of his eyelid he saw small lights circling around him, and the worried chatter of fairies. _

"_I'm sorry…" He said and looked up smiling. "I'm not in the mood for playing…" his eyes glanced at the phone again. _

"_I'm sorry…" _

_**After all the things you put me through,  
tell me why I'm still in love with you.  
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call?**_

"_Um… Arthur?" Alfred's voice was for a change uncertain and quiet. "Arthur?" He waved his gloved hand in front of England's face and said man looked up from the book. _

"_What is it, America?" England asked annoyed as he let his concentration slip back to the book. Not that it was interesting or anything, he had read it enough times to know it in and out. Arthur simply didn't want to look at America. _

"_I'm sorry about last time… I'm just… stressed right now." England glanced up again. As if he didn't know that. Hadn't he gradually witnessed Alfred smiling lesser and lesser, and the plans that always seemed to be weird and impossible changing to complete logic and strategic. Some of the light in Alfred's sea-blue eyes had also disappeared, as if a storm raged inside of him. _

"_I understand that." But all those things he understood didn't matter. Because one of the things he had gotten now was that this was America's fight. The rest of them were simply there to help him to victory. This was for the sake of their children, countries and the world. This didn't have anything to do with their personal interests, and it was probably because of that that made America apologize. Not for the reason he secretly hoped for. "Come one, the meeting is staring." He rose up, motioning America to come with him to the conference room. _

"_Arthur, I—" He turned his head around to meet America. _

"_And don't call me by first name."_

_**You broke my heart, I'm taking it back from you.  
And taking back the life I gave to you.  
Life goes on before and after you.  
I've got some growing up to do.**_

Arthur hit the sink and hurriedly wiped the tears away. Why did he have to get these memories right now? He concentrated on his breathing and it finally slowed down a bit just in time for the clock to ring, declaring that the scones were ready. Even without Alfred agreeing, he had decided on his own to make scones for himself at least. And that gave him a few moments of being alone.

"England?" the voice of America made him instantly turn around, seeing his little brother standing in the doorway. Alfred looked at him weird and the silence was only broken from the immense sound of the clock. England span around again and quickly busied himself with taking out the way to burnt scones. He heard steps behind him of America coming closer. And just as he put the hot **baking tray **on the sink unit a cold hand came from behind and rested itself on his forehead. "Are you sick or something? You've been weird today."

"Don't get so close idiot…" England hissed, but without the necessary anger that was needed for America to back away. His heart had started beating faster, clearly not agreeing with its master's request to America. And his head was already heating up, making Alfred's ungloved hand feel colder.

"Come on, look at me." Alfred turned him around and looked concerned over him. Arthur's only reaction was turning away his head, refusing to meet Alfred's eyes. But this, making Alfred even more concerned and probably annoyed, he closed in and scanned him closely. Way too close, and Arthur couldn't really help himself, even with his mind still screaming after logic.

Their lips met.

_**It's time I say my last goodbye.  
Goodbye, Goodbye, It's time I say my last goodbye.**_

__He was surprised when Alfred pushed him back, deepening the kiss. The hand that had rested on his forehead slipped behind Arthur's head helping his neck withstanding the pressure that Alfred put at his head. The other hand made its way around his slender waist pulling him closer. Arthur moved his hand backwards and accidently touched the **baking tray** the sudden pain making bite himself. Alfred quickly fixed up the wound on his lips but sucking away the blood, and he barely noticed the stinging pain in his right hand.

"Alfred…" Arthur suddenly broke the kiss and looked up at the taller one. Why couldn't he bring himself to say anything? America tightened his grip and then rested his forehead in the spot between England's neck and shoulder.

"Don't speak…" Alfred murmured and nuzzled in closer, "can't we just stay like this…" He sounded so small England noted as he moved his hands to embrace Alfred. It still hurt loving Alfred, even when he was so happy, so happy every time they could agree on anything. But it would never work that way, it still felt… wrong… And he knew Alfred knew it too, but still they continued with these games. He could feel his eyes tearing up and hid in America's straw blond hair. Why couldn't their wishes come true?

_**I wish we could have worked it out.  
I wish I didn't have these doubts,  
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.  
I wish I didn't know inside.  
That it won't work out for you and I.  
I wish that I could stop this wishing and  
just say my last goodbye**_

__"I'll see you then?" Alfred questioned, for once uncertainty being in his voice. Arthur didn't answer; he simply gave a quick nod and then closed the door behind Alfred as he walked away. He rested both his hands on the old wooden door, and then tilted his forehead against it too. His body started shaking and a few sobs escaped. He sank down on the floor, still holding his head against the entrance.

"Goodbye, Alfred…"

_**It's time I said my last goodbye.  
Goodbye, Goodbye, It's time I say my last goodbye.  
It's time I said my last goodbye.  
Goodbye, Goodbye, It's time I say my last goodbye.**_

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And that's pretty much it^^" thank you if you made it through, and please comment, both good things, but also flames...


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